The departure of so-called Trump Whisperer, Hope Hicks, from the West Wing has left many staffers anxious about what new chaos tomorrow will bring.  It was therefore with great relief that they received the news that a new “Communications Director” has been hired.

The almost preternaturally silent Hick’s replacement will be a giant PEZ dispenser in the image of…you guessed it, Donald Trump.  

The lanky orange and yellow sweets dispenser will be aided in sartorial responsibilities for the president by a Deluxe Personal Valet Station from Hammacher-Schlemmer.

Henceforward, the Commander in Chief will be alternately soothed and steamed by the best team of passive enablers he could ever hope for.