I’m not much of a beer connoisseur.  If I have 8 bucks, I go for a single malt scotch or cognac.  Then I have to tip at least 2 bucks.  Shit, as Harry Dean Stanton would put it.  But this isn’t about me or my ‘special’ tastes.

I stopped in Three Penny Taproom Thursday for its grand ‘expansion’ reopening.  And I flashed on what is wrong with Montpelier, and the whole fucking country for that matter.

They did a great job turning Three Penny into an elegantly comfortable cafe.  The new restaurant part is all wood decor, plenty of seating, plenty of space to move around, and good artwork on the walls.  A very ‘eclectic’ menu to go with the 24 also eclectic draft beers.  I says to myself, I haven’t seen an imaginative business like this in Montpelier since...forever.

This is the kind of place that people talk about.  And I’d bet money that this ski season word will spread.  Three Penny is the kind of place Americans go to when they’re looking to get away from the same-old same-old day-to-day drear that eats away at their pea-brains and causes them to say things like:  “What the fuck.  I’ll vote for Romney.  What’s the difference.”

The difference is in the imagination.  Wes, Scott and Matt won’t need a whole lot of luck to make Three Penny Taproom a showcase cafe in Vermont.  These guys don’t need luck.  They got brains.  There is imagination in the menu, the set-up, the old-fashioned barstools and wooden tables and chairs, the staff, and, if you look around, even imagination in the way some of the customers tip back a beer, as if to say:  “This is cool.”  And it is.

So………..WHY can’t the Town of Montpelier and the Downtown Merchants Association figure things out.  I mean, there it is (as the old Nam saying goes), right there on Main St..  Giving that section of Main St., from Rivendell Books to the NECI Restaurant, a kind of Greenwich Villagey feel.  A kind of beckoning away from upscale pseudo-glam with pizza towards a more thoughtful elegance for the mind and soul–with TWENTY FOUR DIFFERENT KINDS OF BEER THAT THE MIND AND SOUL FUCKING THIRST FOR!!!  Yes, you won’t find these beers at other places–not even in New York.  (New Yorkers, are you reading this?)  If the Town of Montpelier lets the Downtown Farmers Market move up that long steep hill to Vermont College, it ought to go to Matt, Scott & Wes and ask:  “Please help us.  We’re morons.  Show us how to do it.  Please.”

And, ON THE NATIONAL LEVEL, Three Penny Taproom shows the Corporate Reich on Wall Street and their Congress of YesMen/Women that some things just can’t be–refuse to be–co-opted or eaten up by the boorish Pig of Capitalism.  I suppose, Three Penny will be copied by other small entrepreneurs, but I doubt we’ll see a ThreePennys-R-Us chain.

Oh, all these Deep Thoughts are making me thirsty.  I believe I’ll break down and actually buy one of those beers instead of a scotch.  Three Penny is right next door to my office here on Main Street.  I can smell the beer from here.  It smells like…Victory.  Are you jealous?

Anyway, it’s a hot day.  A good day for a beer.  Beer as Alternate Energy?  Beer shot into the atmosphere to stop Global Warming?  Maybe when Obama’s on his campaign tour in Vermont, he’ll have brains enough to stop in.  He likes his beer, doesn’t he?

And YOU.  YOU check it out.  Do what I tell you.  If people had listened to me since ’66, we’d be in Alpha Centauri by now.  

Beer to power Warp-Speed Starships?  Hmmmmm…….

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Junior Likes This…And She Knows)

today we can hear

the prayers of beasts

caught in the lights

of our passing fancies

saying please please

won’t you stop won’t

you listen to the wind

the trees and the sun?

no we say for we have

no time left before we

are gone into history

no time to stop a single

second of the clock we set

no time for wind or sun

or a heartbeat’s worth

of your tiny timid love

we are going places so

fast we haven’t had time

to remember what we left

behind when we started

and now you ask us to stop?

you cannot be serious

you do not stop fate’s call

more urgent than all of life

but please they pray again

won’t you stop and stay

with us and let this fate

find another road to follow?

when we are all so still

the wind and trees and sun

will whisper us a new life

more urgent than tomorrow

no we will not be stopped

defeated by some doubt we

will never know if we keep

on going and never never

look at what we’ve passed

or take a single breath

of wind and trees and sun

to throw us off our pace

that is all you have to say?

they ask and we answer with

the roar of our machines

until they stop still and go

away forever to the places

we will never know of

even though we always said

we’d go there too someday

when it was finally time to stop

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(The following is my little politically incorrect way of paying tribute to what Obama has seemed to have accomplished.  It seems very ‘quiet’ out there in Anti-Gayland.  And J. C. Penney is doing a Gay Father’s Day ad.  It looks like the assholes are on the run, or, at least, in the closet.  Let us hope that many, if not all, the things I mention below actually happen.  This country, and the world, would be a healthier place.  But watch out for co-opting and hypocrisy.  It’s Wall Street’s little way of making a quick buck, diluting real politics into carnival, and then flushing it all down Capitalism’s toilet, which the EPA does not regulate.)

BREAKING NEWS…Gays Are IN…Reuters…3.17 seconds ago

Since Barack Obama finally came out of the closet to support Gay Marriage, a new trend seems to be emerging almost reminiscent of the commercialization and exploitation of the Hippie/Music/Drug culture and the Feminist Movement of the late sixties and early seventies.  It seems apparent now that Gays are IN.  And major corporations and the institution of Pro Football, no less, are jumping all over the place to cash in on this new American culture.

Walmart recently announced it will be adding a Gay Section to most of its stores nationwide, featuring clothing, tattooing, piercing, and other items that will be called Gay Chic.

Not to be outdone by Walmart, J.C. Penney has announced it will be coming out with its own line of Gay Fashions in its Fall catalogue, along with Gay Home Furnishings, and Gay Toys for kiddies.

Along with Gay Bars, across the country now, Gay Stores are springing up everywhere.  There are Gay Craft Stores, Gay Music Stores and Bookstores, Gay Foods Stores, Gay Pets Stores, Gay Corner Stores, and Retro-Gay Stores.  And also a new chain of stores opening called the WannaBeGay Store, whose flagship store will open in Montpelier, Vt. this Winter.  Also In Montpelier, Vt. (which is now considered to be the Gay Capital of the USA), it is rumored that an upscale downtown cafe will be brewing its own micro GayBrew draft on site, eventually to bottle it for sale across the country.  And a coalition of Montpelier female artists and writers will be copycatting Montpelier’s New England Culinary Institute (NECI) with what they will call NELI, the New England Lesbian Institute, in which Gay Culture and something called Gay Channeling will be taught along with other college level (Gay) courses.  It is also rumored that NELI will offer courses to ‘straight’ people, such as Gay Speak, Gay Manners & Etiquette, Gay Walking, Gay Drinking and Gay Driving.

And the worlds of science and the environment have now recognized the impact of what President Obama has put in motion.  Sources tell us a study group of ecologists at MIT will soon be coming out with a paper that will examine what it calls Gay Sprawl as a solution to Global Warming.  The paper supposedly alleges that Gays have the lowest carbon footprints on the planet, and in some cases, negative carbon footprints.  And that Gayness itself may emit some certain yet unidentified element into the atmosphere that can restore the Ozone Layer.

Meanwhile, in Idaho, an anthropological–environmental group will soon be releasing a report in which, it is said, Sasquatch (Bigfoot) is identified as an eons old species of Alien Gay Humanoids from a far away galaxy which colonized Earth after the extinction of the dinosaurs, and which possibly mated with prehistoric mankind here.  According to those reliable sources of ours, the report states that, with Gayness now sweeping the nation and perhaps the whole planet, Sasquatches, which have lived in fear of prejudices towards Gays, will now be coming out of the panoply to intermingle with humans, and that many of these Sasquatches will be moving to Vermont to form, what our sources again tell us, a Third Gay Vermont Republic.  (See Smithsonian Magazine, Feb., 2006, for info on First and Second Gay Vermont Republics.)

There has been some backlash, however, to all this surge of Gayness from a group of straight single men called the Right Hand Coalition, based in Passaic, New Jersey.  This group is now demanding that their very own civil union partners be recognized and given the same status and health benefits Gays in civil unions and marriages are receiving.  Abel Peckerpaw, the group’s spokesman, put it this way:  “My right hand here has been a partner to me all my life.  It’s never let me down.  Never cheated on me.  Never left me.  Never had a headache or a period.  It’s my Civil Partner, as the Gays say, and I and my group demand our rights!”  Peckerpaw also said that another men’s group called the Left Hand Coalition will soon be making the same demands, and that heavily endowed males will be forming their own ‘activist’ group called the Both Hands Coalition.

Also, a militant Gay group called The Social Anarchists For Revolutionary Fruitcake Party has put out this statement:  “We caution true Gay Americans to beware of the co-opting of Gayness by Wall Street.  Remember the Hippie Movement, the Women’s Movement, and, God help us, the Jesus Freak Movement.  There seems to be a lot of hypocrisy and out-and-out jaded commercialism going on here.  Black people, women, Hispanics and workers are still oppressed by this co-opting weapon, although we are told this is not the case.  That is a lie.  And the powers that be have made it politically incorrect to say so out loud.  I warn Gay Americans to watch out for all this commercial embrace of the Gay Movement.  Wall Street tends to go for immediate profit at the expense of everything and everybody, and then move on to make money on the next trend it helps to create.  How would you like it if, say, in two years, Wall Street asked for a Gay Bail-Out?  What would happen to us?  Perhaps that’s the point of all this?

But it seems nothing will stop the trend towards All Things Gay in this country.  And there are reports leaking out of China that Gays will soon be gathering in Tiananmen Square, and that ‘top secret meetings’ between Gays in Gaza and Gays in Israel’s Mossad may soon lead to an end of conflict there and the establishment of an independent Gay Palestinian State, the world’s first Gay Nation.

Meanwhile, back here at home, those old reliable sources (who are also Gay) tell us that McDonald’s will soon come out with the McDude and the McLesie, two Gayburgers.  Also, that the NFL will meet Gays halfway by having Arni DiFranco do the 2013 Super Bowl Halftime.  That Mitt Romney will pick a Gay VP, and that Joe Biden will respond by turning Gay.  That President Obama will declare Oct. 11th, National Gay Day, replacing Columbus Day to placate GAIM, the Gay American Indian Movement.  That Neil Diamond will put out a CD in November called: “Have A Gay Christmas.”  And that, also in November, in Montpelier, Vt., a certain man-about-town there named PeteySweety will be renaming his famous Twelve Days Of My Birthday to the Twelve Gays Of My Birthday, in honor of some of the Montpelier women he’s been attracted to over the years who were, of course, all Gay, or turned Gay after Petey bought them flowers.

All in all, Mr. and Mrs. All-American Americans, 2012 is going to be quite a year for Gayness.  And don’t forget about Venus.  Things like that are just too coincidental to ignore.

Gay Night and Gay Luck.

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(For those not here to enjoy the fest.)

beckoning green

mirrored in the water

with skipping stones

that ripple frost’s final end

butterflies and birds

settle in the budding field

your sleepy head content

to nod that all is well

for the three day weekend

of Spring has come

once again like a stranger

to all gloom and doom

yet far away a band plays

the recollection tunes

of forgotten days

forgotten lives

why you ask can sorrow

cast itself now shading

the view of even better days

with death’s cold shadow?

because it is here now

where it all began

where tiny beasts dutifully

dig their little graves

where parades and tributes

turn holidays into blood

the shrieks of little children

becoming battlefields’ distant calls

where you have lifted up

your nodding head in knowing

this weekend’s sunny scene

was paid for over and over

and over again

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Wrote this as a birthday poem to a woman painter I know.  She tells me she’s been showing and sending it around to other folks and how much those folks like it.  So I looked at it again, and, you know, it would apply to Julie Waters too.)

art is the heart and mind

putting color into the most dismal day

art is a way of life

the way things should be

art is people agreeing

that we are all connected

by brushstrokes and words

to a work in progress

a creation that will evoke

the splendor of all that matters to us

behind our eyes when we behold

the masterpiece of life

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Romney’s Turn Today)

Yahoo Celebrity News…20 minutes ago

Ann Romney turned heads this morning at a fundraiser in Parma, Ohio, showing up in a revealing low-cut mini-dress.

“It’s the New Look,” she told her husband’s supporters.  It’s all over the NET every day.  Power Women are showing their stuff.  I have a Daisy Duke outfit I’m saving for October.”

But, it wasn’t just the dress.  When Ms. Romney briefly removed her sunglasses, you could plainly she her right eye had a good sized shiner.

“Oh, it’s nothing,”  she later told reporters outside.  “Mitt has this sense of humor, you know.  Like with the dog.  And that prep-school gay kid.  He’s always goofing around, trying to make me laugh.  He sometimes likes to play Humphrey Bogart and give me a sock on the jaw and say:  ‘Here’s looking at you, kid.’  It makes me laugh.  Really.  In fact, I was laughing so hard when he went into his shtick I guess I threw off his punch and caught it in the eye.  That made us both hysterical.”

When Amy Goodman of Democracy Now asked Romney a long loaded question about her husband’s seemingly violent and sadistic side and how as President he would be able to control that, Ms. Romney replied:

“There’s not a violent or sadistic bone in Mitt’s body.  He just has a…well, special sense of humor.  He loves goofing around imitating Hollywood tough guys.  And he’s great at pranks.  He’s got a good prank set up for October.  And, let me tell you, Amy, after he’s elected he’s going to have the Chinese and Russians in stitches.  Not to mention all those folks down at Guantanamo.”

Ms. Romney then told reporters not to take seriously a new story being told by a few of her husband’s college friends.  That, in college, Romney liked to stroll the backstreets of Provo, Utah carrying the Book of Mormon and a gallon can of gasoline, finding drunks and convincing them he was Joseph Smith there to baptize them.

“He never said he was Joseph Smith,”  Ms. Romney explained.  “He told them he was Brigham Young.  Please don’t distort this.  I’ve got to go now.  I need to ice this eye on the way to Toledo.  Oh.  That reminds me of another prank of Mitt’s.  Oh…he’s so funny.  I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Hey Mitt, you big Republican asswipe, when you lose in November, I guess you maybe could become a celebrity barber.)

Breaking News…The White House…30 nanoseconds ago



OBAMA TO ENDORSE ORAL SEX BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS; WILL DEFINE ORAL SEX AS ‘REAL’ SEX, BUT NOT ‘REGULAR’ SEX

White House Assistant Press Secretary Bruce Lesbian said this afternoon that President Obama approves of consenting adults engaging in Oral Sex.  Oral Sex has been a controversial issue for Democrats since the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal, which resulted in the election of George W. Bush in 2000, and led to an eight year ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ national Anal Sex epidemic.

Lesbian said the President will address the nation at 10p Sunday night about Oral Sex.  He stated that the President  will define Oral Sex as Real Sex, a position President Clinton refused to take in 2000.  Lesbian added, however, that Obama would not be defining Oral Sex as Regular Sex, and will urge adult Americans to continue to caution their teenage children on how Oral Sex can lead to more serious and addictive sex acts which can lead to more unwanted pregnancies which can lead to more abortions which can lead to a problematic position for the President this election year.

“Right now,”  said Lesbian,  “we know that American teenagers are engaging in Oral Sex.  A lot of Oral Sex.  And we have heard from the Republican Party that this is because President Clinton made teenagers believe it was cool to have Oral Sex.  Of course, this is ridiculous.  Teenagers are having Oral Sex because they do not believe it is a real or serious sex act requiring birth control protection which, we all know, the radical elements of the Republican Party and the anti-abortion and anti birth control groups have made teenagers believe will not be available to them, and therefore they have no other recourse but to engage in Oral Sex as frequently as possible, because Oral Sex is not really Real Sex.  But since the President will be defining Oral Sex as Real Sex, Republicans might ask themselves whether their positions in forcing Oral Sex upon the youth of America are, in the very least, somewhat questionable positions to take.  I mean, people are in prisons right now for doing that.”

When asked to clarify his last statement on Oral Sex and Real Sex, and why Oral Sex wasn’t Regular Sex, and whether it was bad or good and who should go to prison for what, Lesbian explained:  “Look, we’re going to talk openly and deeply about the issue of Oral Sex, and take a responsible yet penetrating position with regards to it.  We hope the Republicans will do the same, rather than make Oral Sex an election year issue, which will only add to the confusion and awkwardness teenagers experience when they are offered an occasion to say yes or no to Oral Sex.  And we’re having this Presidential address on Oral Sex at 10pm in hopes that eight to twelve year-olds and, hopefully, thirteen to fifteen year-olds are in bed already, because it is a school night.  And we believe our children should respect school for their educational goals first, rather than consider school just another venue for Oral Sex.  Again, let me state, the President will be speaking about the need to recognize Oral Sex as Real Sex, but not necessarily Regular Sex.  And he knows that each and every adult American watching or listening to Oral Sex…I mean watching or listening Sunday night will know what he is talking about, because we believe many many Americans have sampled their share of Oral Sex over the decades, as far back as the Civil War, we believe.  Oral Sex is now an American Fact Of Life.  Oral Sex is as much a part of the American landscape as baseball, football and the hot dog.  Oral Sex must be recognized as part of American Exceptionalism.  And the President means to see to it that the misconceptions and discomforts Americans have about discussing Oral Sex openly and repeatedly in their day to day lives does not lead to a situation in this country, the greatest country on the face of the Earth, where, soon, some  extremists will be able to put forward the idea of a War On Oral Sex.  We have other wars to address.”

When a Reuters reporter suggested Lesbian had substituted clarification of his last statement with an even more confusing statement, Lesbian replied:  “This is why the President will be addressing the nation Sunday night. To show us his position on Oral Sex.  All of us approach Oral Sex from different positions, but the President hopes to make his Oral Sex position the National Oral Sex position.

The FOX TV news correspondent asked Lesbian if, perhaps, a Presidential address on Oral Sex might be in bad taste.  Lesbian responded that it was his feeling that Oral Sex was not a question of taste but, rather, a question of choice, and that the framers of the Constitution had Oral Sex on their minds, as did Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration Of Independence.  “Oral Sex is an unalienable right.  It is how many Americans pursue happiness,” he added.

Finally, Lesbian was asked whether President and Michelle Obama engaged in Oral Sex in the White House, and if they used the same places President Clinton used to have Oral Sex there.

“That, I believe,”  said Lesbian, “is a matter of National Security.  It is up to the President to reveal that information if he feels it is in the National Interest.  But, I can tell you this–the First Lady plans to incorporate Oral Sex with her campaign about the eating habits of obese Americans.  

Now, I thank you all for your time, and urge all Americans to tune in Sunday night for a frank tip to toe go-over on a position that all of us should feel requires our focus and participation.

Thank you.”

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Hey Obama–Have a Gay Marriage on the White House Lawn.  Dare ya.)  

Yes, in an exceptionally good mood today.  Must be that radiation from Japan in the rain.  Anyway, have this Joni Mitchell melody (or melodies) in my head.  So, let’s be UPBEAT.  Enjoy.

   OCCUPIED

I had this dream

It’s crazy I know

About how I’d like to see

Things in this country go

Seems yesterday

All the people took to the streets

Cops couldn’t beat ’em back

Oh it was really sweet

They surrounded Wall Street

The Pentagon and Congress

Marched to the White House

Made the President address them

He said: Okay we give up

What is it you all need?

An end to the stupid wars?

All the corruption and greed?

The people all yelled: Oh no

We’re here to occupy

So get the hell out of the doorway

We’re sick of all the lies!

And so we occupied

We changed everything around

Brought the National Guard home

So they could round up CEOs

And make them work to atone

Got back all our civil rights

And health care for all

Trashed all our credit cards

And bulldozed all the malls

And it wasn’t all that hard

And we had a lot of fun

People were dancing and singing:

Hey this is how you get things done!

And when the Bad Boys resisted

And tried to take a bigger piece of pie

We took all their cash

And told them: You’ve been occupied!

And yes we occupied

That’s how we occupied

But I woke up from my dream

It’s just another apathetic day

Boyfriend’s asleep on the couch

He left the TV on all night to play

I said: Wake up you asshole!

We’ve got a lot of work to do

We’re all in this thing together

And that means you too!

He said: What the hell?

And my cat jumped up on his chest

I told him all about my dream

And what I’d do to him unless

He got up off his lazy ass

And helped me make revolution

Without any compromises

Or male convolutions

And so we hit the streets

But he still wanted to know

Just what the hell we were doing

Couldn’t I just let things go?

And I said: Baby I love you

But sometimes you don’t even try

So now just do what I tell you to do

Cause Baby–You’ve been occupied!

Yes you’ve been occupied

And that’s how we’re gonna occupy

Yes we’ll occupy!

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(Ya know, Convolutions would be a good name for a cat.)

(For: the Women United Rally, Sat., April 28, and the Put People First Rally, Tues., May 1)

Jobless

No unemployment

Homeless

Denied shelter

Pregnant

Not covered by health care

Physically disabled

Bumped into and knocked down on the sidewalk

Mentally in distress

Called a retard

Tasered

Didn’t move along fast enough

Arrested

For loitering on a public bench

Robbed

Of everything in life I loved

Shot

For just being there

Dying

On a cold street while people gawk

Dead

And now I see it all:

I read too many books when I was young

And believed in them

Went to meetings where people said

We would get things done

Voted for the right one who turned wrong

All the time

And put my whole self into being good

And ignored others who did the opposite

The dead here tell me

It’s older than the dirt they were buried in

But what is worse they say

Is that here they take the bad with the good

And that means life might have meant something

If we had all put up a better fight

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

Cardinal Joseph Bendover in Rome has told our correspondent there that Pope Benedict will be endorsing Mitt Romney for President and urging all American Catholics to “Get with the program.”

Cardinal Bendover added that the Vatican will also be endorsing the Republicans’ WAR ON WOMEN, though not by that name, and that these endorsements are in line with a new Papal Encyclical that will define the Catholic Church’s new approach on the teachings of Jesus.

Cardinal Bendover explained:  “One of the most important and dramatic things Jesus did was to cleanse Mary Magdalene of her Seven Devils.  The same Seven Devils that seem to afflict American women today: The Devil Of Lust and Promiscuity and Perversion, The Devil Of Provocative Dress, The Devil Of Original Thought, The Devil Of Forsaking One’s Proper Station, The Devil Of Coveting A Safe Haven From The Opposite Sex, which the Church defines as Lesbianism, The Devil Of Not Wanting To Bear Children, and, of course, The Devil Of Eating Meat On A Friday.  This last Devil has traditionally been the province of men only, as many in our priesthood will confirm.

“We here at the Vatican,”  Cardinal Bendover continued,  “will seek now to teach good Catholic women, and all women, the simple fact that Jesus was a MAN.  A Man who was nailed to a cross so that, by his sacrifice, all other men throughout the ages will not suffer such a fate.  Especially at the hands of women possessed by The Seven Devils.  A state of affairs now exists in America where many misguided men have actually been nailed to crosses by women and willfully seek to have this crucifixion performed on them again.  That is a perversion and part of The First of The Seven Devils I mentioned.  The new Vatican intervention, recently announced, on some Seven Devils’ activities being practiced by many American nuns is the beginning of this campaign for the Salvation Of Women.”

Cardinal Bendover went on to say that the Catholic Church hopes to work closely with a President Romney in bringing all American women back to Jesus.  “A Salvation Of Women,”  he put it, rather than A War On Women.  And also to encourage those women, once they have abandoned “the evils of birth control,” to marry and bear sons and daughters for the Catholic Church.  “We hope for more sons at first, of course,”  he stated.  “That has always been Church policy.”

When asked why the Catholic Church was endorsing a Mormon, Cardinal Bendover responded that the Mormon Church and the Catholic Church had two historical things in common:  “First is that the Mormons knew what a woman’s Proper Station was, which produced the second thing, which is the bearing of many babies, especially cute little male babies.  And I would say to all young males out there in America, whether Mormon, Catholic, Protestant,  Hebrew, or whatever, that there is a place for you in the Catholic Church, where you will never have to fear being nailed by a woman again.  Thank you.  And God Bless You.  And God Bless The USA.  And the New Orleans Saints.”  

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(very very ex-Catholic)