This week’s round of mass-media spending makes one thing very clear: the conservative Super PAC Vermonters First is focusing the bulk of its financial might on a single statewide race. In the past two weeks, Vermonters First (funded almost entirely by camera-shy heiress Lenore Broughton) has spent $108,000 on behalf of Wendy Wilton, Republican candidate for Treasurer. It also spent $39,000 for Republican legislative candidates; but not a dime for former VF fave Vince Illuzzi.

With Illuzzi off the list, VF has focused its attention on Wendy WIlton, plus a slate of no-hoper legislative candidates. Seven Days:

With 10 of 48 House Republicans retiring, even party leaders concede they’ll be lucky if they maintain their already depleted numbers in the 150-member body.

“We wanted to have a lot more candidates than we ended up recruiting,” says House minority leader Don Turner (R-Milton). “It is discouraging.”

Remind me not to hire Don Turner as a motivational speaker.

Conclusion: VF’s investment in legislative races might, at best, help the Republicans avoid further depletion of their caucus. That won’t change the balance, which is VF’s stated intent.  

No, its sole hope for “balance,” the payoff for Lenore Broughton’s huge investment, can only be the election of Wendy Wilton as Treasurer. And what will it expect from its chosen candidate? A voice of “balance” (i.e. partisan attack) against the Shumlin Administration, and particularly against its health care reform plans. Which, after all, was Wilton’s stock in trade before she launched her campaign for treasurer.

I’ve previously noted that Broughton’s personal money bomb is absolutely unprecedented in Vermont politics. It’s also unprecedented — and ought to scare the pants off any clear-thinking Vermonter — for one wealthy individual to single-handedly underwrite the campaign of one particular candidate.  

Broughton has spent far more to elect Wilton than the candidate and her party have managed to raise and spend. (Exactly how much, we don’t know, thanks to a loophole in state election law.) Her money, and her money alone, has turned Wilton from pretender to contender.

And if elected, Wendy Wilton will be beholden to Lenore Broughton.

I’d call this a clear case of political corruption — the open buying and selling of a top state office — except that Wendy Wilton doesn’t need to be corrupted. When you look at her political record, it’s clear that she’s a devout conservative. During her one term in the State Senate, she was one of its most conservative members. As was pointed out this week by Senate Democrats, she was in a tiny minority on issue after issue.

So she doesn’t have to be bought; she agrees with Broughton’s agenda, and would be an enthusiastic proponent of it. Her current protestations that she’s a technocrat who simply wants to be a good treasurer are belied by the entirety of her record.

A record that includes service, with Broughton, on the board of Vermonters for Better Education, a group that promotes “school choice,” that lovely conservative buzzword. VBE leans heavily on “reports” from the Ethan Allen Institute, the far-right free-market “think tank” funded, to an unknown degree, by one Lenore Broughton.

It’s a very tight circle, and Wendy Wilton is on the inside. So she doesn’t have to be bought by Vermonters First; she’s a willing participant.

But as for her assertion that she wants to be a numbers-oriented, apolitical Treasurer? Nonsense.

It doesn’t fit her record, and it certainly doesn’t fit the agenda of the person who’s spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in support of her candidacy.  

Oh boy. The conservative Super PAC Vermonters First has just filed another mass-media report with the state Elections Office. This time, $35,000 in TV and radio ads for Wendy Wilton, Republican candidate for Treasurer.

For those keeping score, VF has now reported spending $108,000 for WIlton’s campaign — in the last two weeks.

October 11: $30,000 for Wilton TV ads.

October 23: $43,000 for a Wilton mailer.

October 24: $35,000 for Wilton TV and radio ads.

That’s a stunning number, and I’ll have more commentary on it in an upcoming post. But for now, I’ll move on to another stunner.

Given this avalanche of spending in a mere two weeks, I was curious to know the total amount VF has spent on Wilton’s behalf throughout the entire campaign.

The answer: We don’t know. Nobody knows. (Except Tayt Brooks, International Man of Mystery.) That’s because of a quirk in state election law which I will explain after the jump.  

The state Elections Office posts campaign finance reports online. You can go to its website and look up “mass media filings,” which is where I found the above information. There are lots and lots of mass media filings between October 8 and 24. But there are none between August 29 and October 8.

So I talked with Will Senning at the Elections Office, and he explained that state law only requires mass media filings within 30 days of an election. Earlier than that, and there’s no requirement to report media buys.

There’s a reason for that. During election season, candidates, parties, and political organizations have to file campaign finance reports on or near the 15th of each month. The most recent filing deadline was October 15, and the next one isn’t until mid-November, well after Election Day. The requirement to report mass media buys was meant to fill this gap — to promptly reveal significant political activity in a timely fashion, before the election.

However…

While the mid-month campaign finance reports include all expenditures, those expenditures are not broken down by candidate. So if you have a very active organization — say, Vermonters First — spending money on behalf of multiple candidates, then the monthly reports will not tell you how much it spent for any individual candidate.

Which means that, prior to October 7, we have no idea how much money Vermonters First spent in support of Wendy Wilton.

We know it was a hell of a lot, but we don’t know how much.

Until now, that was a minor point. But with the unprecedented activity of Vermonters First, it’s suddenly become a big loophole in our election law.

Just another small example of how Vermonters First is single-handedly changing our political landscape.  

One of the distinguishing — er, what’s the opposite of “distinguishing”? — extinguishing features of Mitt Romney’s candidacy is his lack of specifics. He’ll cut spending, but he won’t say how. He’ll close tax loopholes, but refuses to say which ones. He’ll project “leadership” on the world stage, but can’t really give a coherent explanation. I think he thinks it means jutting his jaw forward and gazing heavenward like the Prophet Nephi, depicted at right. (Mormon prophets, unlike the Hebrew Bible variety, spent a lot of time in the gym.)

And, of course, there’s his tax returns. Still haven’t seen ’em.

Well, our own Randy Brock seems to have a Mitt Romney problem, revealed in this week’s gubernatorial debate sponsored by the Freeploid. Brock has called for cutting the size of state government, which triggered the following exchange:

“So you aren’t going to tell us where you are going to make the cuts?” Shumlin asked.

“I’m not going to tell you, absolutely not,” Brock answered.

Just like Romney. Brock wants us to elect him, and then he’ll figure out where to cut. He plans to rely on that moldy Republican artifice, “zero-based budgeting,” which I suspect is an entirely mythical creature like Sasquatch; and something he likes to call “force ranking,” in which the importance of all government functions would be ranked. By force, ahem. With the lowest ones, presumably, getting the ax.  

Y’know, to some extent — a very limited extent, mind you — this opacity is somewhat understandable when it comes from Mitt; after all, he’s never run the federal government or even been involved in it. (Well, except for when he staged a big-time raid on the public purse to save the Salt Lake Olympics.)

But Randy? He’s been a state Senator. He’s been Auditor, for crying out loud; the one person who ought to know some of the soft spots in state government. Even if you cut him some slack for not having a complete, detailed plan, he ought to have a few good ideas. But…

“I’m not going to tell you, absolutely not,” Brock answered.

Really? Really? Not even one little cut?

The problem with zero-based budgeting and force-ranking and all that “run government like a business” codswallop is that it don’t work in real life. For one thing, just about all government functions are crucial to some and irrelevant to others. For another, many government functions are deliberately inefficient; there are always (or there should always be) more firefighters and EMTs than you absolutely need, and the road crews have to be tooled up for the worst storms.

For yet another, government functions are inherently political and subject to political pressures. That’s why Congressional efforts to limit or ban earmarks have always failed. And that’s why, when Republicans talk about what to cut in the federal budget, they always start with public broadcasting and foreign aid. The easy stuff.

(Although in 1995, Newt Gingrich found out the hard way that a lot of conservatives are fans of public broadcasting. He’d promised to cut CPB funding in the Contract With America, but as it turned out, plenty of rural residents depend on their public TV and radio. Congress backed off.)

Anyway, back to the main point. Randy Brock packages himself as an experienced hand with a sharp eye for detail. But when it comes to streamlining state government, he is absolutely as foggy as Mitt Romney at his worst.

“I’m not going to tell you, absolutely not,” Brock answered.

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p.s. I confess the wafer-thin pretext for posting a picture of Nephi. But good God, what a hunk! Gotta say this for the Mormons: they don’t cotton to no scabby locust-eating holy men; their prophets were real Amurrican he-men, messengers of a muscular, free-market-promotin’ God.

Oh, look what  you’ve gone and done, Vermont Democratic Party! You’ve bruised the delicate fee-fees of Tayt Brooks, International Man of Mystery, triggering a bad outbreak of Bunched Knicker Syndrome.

See, yesterday the VT Dems accused Vermonters First, the Lenore Broughton vanity project spearheaded by I.M.O.M., of violating campaign law by omitting one candidate’s name from their official list of candidates to be targeted by its latest mailer. It’s a technical violation, but a violation nonetheless, and playing “Gotcha” with the other side is part of the game.

Hey, Angry Jack Lindley and Wendy Wilton play “Gotcha” all the time – -and they don’t even have evidence of violations, just a bunch of “questions.”

Still, the Tayter didn’t take kindly to the Dems’ complaint. He was so upset that he actually sent a dispatch from his secret mountaintop lair. (Possibly by carrier pigeon.) A rare event for a guy who’s basically cut himself off from any unwanted communication, especially from journalists. And who, we believe, has adopted a clever disguise depicted in the Artist’s Rendering at right.

Mind you, he didn’t actually talk to any reporters. He issued a “statement,” reported by the Freeploid:

It is telling about the Democratic Supermajority that they spend so much time poring over filings and complaining about their opponents and no time defending their tax and spend record.

Well, actually, Tayt, the “Democratic Supermajority” (do they get to wear a cape?) is capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time. Or in this case, keeping a sharp eye on your shenanigans while also defending their record. Whereas you seem to have trouble preparing a mailer and keeping track of who’s mentioned in it. But here’s the kicker:

Vermonters First will not be bullied and distracted by the power of one party rule.

Oooooh, poor ol’ Tayt feels bullied. Probably suffering flashbacks to middle school days. The Dems not only filed a complaint, they also gave him a wedgie! Possibly even a wet willie!

Bad Democrats! Bad, bad, bad!

Hey, Tayt, here’s an idea. The Dems will stop “bullying” you by pointing out your missteps when YOU stop trying to bully the entire state through the sheer power of Lenore Broughton’s checkbook.  

Well, this wasn’t quite the Big Dem Bus Tour, but we saw a heartening example of intra-party support on behalf of Treasurer Beth Pearce today. And another case of giving Wendy Wilton a taste of her own attack-dog medicine.

Several Democratic State Senators held a news conference to slam Wilton’s tenure in the Senate (she served a single term in 2005-06), saying that her record indicates that she’s not the right choice for Treasurer. Freeploid’s vt.Buzz:

“I would consider Wendy to have been an obstructionist when she was here,” said Senate President Pro Tempore John Campbell, D-Windsor, who was Senate majority leader during the 2005-06 biennium when Wilton served before losing her re-election bid.

… Campbell cited several votes in which when Wilton stood alone or with only a couple of other senators on issues…

… Wilton, the senators charged, will bring a more partisan approach to the treasurer’s office, including her opposition to single-payer health care.

The Senators on hand included Claire Ayer, Dick Mazza and Dick Sears, plus either Dick McCormick (the Freeploid account) or Mark MacDonald (VTDigger). Yeah, I always get those guys confused.

Well, Mc or Mac, I’m glad to see the Dems continue to press the counterattack against Wilton. I’d still like to see that Big Dem Bus Tour, though.  

Oh geez. Following state campaign law is just so hard!

At least it must seem that way to Tayt Brooks, International Man of Mystery, and sole paid staffer at conservative Super PAC Vermonters First.

Last week, the Tayter filed notice with the state elections office that VF was putting out mailers in numerous House and Senate districts, targeting Democratic candidates. As part of that notice, VF is required to list all candidates who are named in the mailings. They also have to send notices to those candidates, that they are being named (er, slammed) in the mailings.  

Well, they missed one: Maida Townsend of South Burlington. And unfortunately for the I.M.O.M., the candidate received the anti-Townsend mailing herself. Oops.  

From the Democratic Party’s news release:

“Under Vermont law every candidate has the right to know within 24 hours when mass media buys targeting them are made. This requirement is particularly important when misleading information is being spread about the candidate. The decision by multi-millionare political puppeteer and Vermonters First foremost funder Lenore Broughton to violate this requirement is unacceptable,” said Vermont Democratic Party Chair Jake Perkinson. “Only when Maida received the mailing herself did we realize that she was also a targeted candidate in Broughton’s most recent misleading Tea-Party inspired attacks.”

The Dems have filed a complaint with the Attorney General’s office. Now, as campaign violations go, this is small potatoes. But it does point out the potential problems when you have basically a one-man operation… even if it’s Tayt Brooks, Super-Genius … doing the paperwork for a $700,000 (and counting) operation.

And I have to congratulate Jake Perkinson for coming up with the “political puppeteer” line … except now I have an indelible mental image of Lenore Broughton’s hand up Tayt Brooks’ backside.

Pardon me, I’ll be taking a very long, very cold shower.  

Apparently Beth Pearce isn’t the shy, wonky non-politician that lazy media stereotyping has made her out to be. Yesterday, in a debate on WDEV’s Mark Johnson Show and at a later news conference, she came out swinging. And landed quite a few punches.

It was about time. After absorbing loads of attacks on her performance as Treasurer, she issued stout and thorough defenses of her own record and — finally — put challenger Wendy Wilton’s resume under the same kind of spotlight.

And she did something that the political media should have done a long time ago: called out Wilton for completely changing her public persona in a way that would make Mitt Romney blush.

You might recall that WIlton made herself a rising star (well, what passes for a “rising star” in today’s VTGOP) by producing an “analysis” showing that Governor Shumlin’s health care plan would be a $5 billion financial disaster. Which has become a key point in the propaganda campaign of conservative Super PAC Vermonters First.

Funny thing, though: since WIlton’s been running for Treasurer, she’s stopped talking health care. “My job is not to worry about the policy at all,” she told reporters. She’s actively distancing herself from the right-wing dogma that propelled her onto the Republican ticket, claiming that she didn’t remember writing a comment on Vermont Tiger slamming ShummyCare as a “fiscal disaster” and a “huge stealth tax increase.”

Didn’t remember? Did she also forget all her other public comments, remarks, speeches and interviews attacking health care reform?

After the jump: Competence and preparedness.

Pearce also staged an effective counterattack on the “competence” issue, poking holes in Wilton’s record as Rutland City Treasurer and questioning her preparedness to be Treasurer for the entire state. Some of the attacks were more relevant than others, but all were effective in political terms.

She noted that Rutland is on a special bond monitoring list maintained by the Vermont Municipal Bond Bank. Wilton had to admit she was unaware of the listing. Pearce also questioned the solvency of Rutland’s pension plan, and Wilton’s lack of experience in some key aspects of the Treasurer’s job. A point also made on VTDigger by Vermont Pundit Emeritus Eric Davis:

…Davis said that some issues Wilton has raised during the campaign, like fiscal transparency or overtime management, aren’t directly related to the treasurer’s duties, even if they’re admittedly important.

“Put the point in a different way: I haven’t heard Wendy Wilton say very much about bonds, cash management, and pensions,” said Davis, who highlighted those three issues as key responsibilities for any treasurer.

All in all, a very good day for Beth Pearce. And with any luck, it will prove to be the turning point in the race for Treasurer.  

So the Monday morning Freeploid gives us a little window on how Governor Shumlin is spending his time these days — traveling the highways and byways, stopping for pre-arranged campaign* visits and whoring himself out to any camera in his vicinity. (While Randy Brock wanders the state in his Jaguar — life’s tough — forlornly seeking out random strangers willing to talk to him. And, in some cases, tell him to his face that he doesn’t stand a chance. Sucks to be Randy.)

*And non-campaign visits, a.k.a. “governing.” You can tell the difference, so sez the Freeploid, by which staffer attends him — a campaign aide, or a state employee.

By the reckoning of just about everyone except Randy Brock and Jack Lindley, Shummy’s got this one in the bag. He’s hardly touching his million-dollar campaign stash. He did pay for a grand total of one television ad; otherwise, he seems to be feathering his nest for a future run at a higher office. (Succeeding Leahy in 2016?)

What he doesn’t seem to be doing much of, is helping the rest of the Democratic ticket. He did take time out to attend Saturday’s “Victory Rally” in Stowe, give him credit for that. (Is Stowe really the Democratic heartland these days?)

But is that the best he can do? Couldn’t he maybe do a Big Dem Bus Tour with the whole ticket attending rallies across the state? Couldn’t he arrange some policy pronouncements that involve incumbent Dems like Beth Pearce or even Bill Sorrell? Especially Pearce, who’s got a tough race on her hands thanks entirely to the deep pockets of Lenore Broughton.

Could he, at the very least, stop saying things like this?

“Phil [Scott] is rarely wrong.”

And then there’s this little WTF moment on Shumlin’s East Montpelier land deal, taken from last week’s WPTZ debate:

“Most people don’t spend $35,000 and gain $113,000 over night,” Brock retorted.

“That’s because I’ve improved the property,” Shumlin said. “Phil Scott built a road. We put in a septic system. We built the foundation.”

Huh? Phil Scott built a road for the Governor’s new manse? Would anyone else like to hear a little more about that?

IMO, Shumlin’s got some ‘splainin’ to do to his purportedly handpicked candidate for Lieutenant Governor, Cass Gekas, who’s out there fighting the hard fight with no income and limited campaign resources. It’d be nice if he could at least pretend he likes her as much as he likes Phil Scott.

There’s also the buzz on the street about Shumlin and the Auditor’s office. Namely that the Guv would greatly prefer Vince Illuzzi over Doug Hoffer, presumably because Vince is a back-slappin’, deal-makin’, backroom kinda guy with some ethical squick in his past, while Doug (although solidly liberal) is an authentic “numbers guy” who might actually check the state’s math once in a while.

I don’t necessarily put a lot of stock in street buzz, but it certainly jibes with Hoffer’s low fundraising numbers. (He has, of course, actually outperformed Illuzzi in raising money from other people, but that’s not saying much; all Republicans have done very poorly in fundraising this year. And he doesn’t have the resources it’d take to wage an all-out fight against the Lenore Broughton money machine.

I realize that there’s political value in appearing to be nonpartisan and maintaining relationships with reasonable Republicans. But the big negative on Jim Douglas’ resume is his utter failure to build a competitive Republican Party. I’d hate to see the same thing happen at the tail end of the Shumlin years.

C’mon, Shummy. A little Guv love for the Democratic ticket?

Jack “Six Teats” McMullen, who awoke from a lengthy nap and realized that he’d an exploitable issue handed to him on a silver platter: the accusations of improper collusion between Attorney General Bill Sorrell and a Super PAC organized by the Democratic Attorneys General Association.

I say “lengthy nap” because McMullen’s call for an investigation came a mere three weeks after VTGOP Chair “Angry Jack” Lindley first requested in investigation. I’m not saying it would have made any difference in the race, but McMullen could have gotten a lot more mileage out of the issue if he’d jumped on the bandwagon earlier.

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Deputy Auditor Joe Juhasz and outgoing Auditor Tom Salmon*, for a stunning act of political tone-deafness. Juhasz is overseeing a probe into Treasurer Beth Pearce, which was demanded by Pearce challenger Wendy Wilton. Well, the Vermont Press Bureau reports that Juhasz is a longtime Republican who has donated to the Wilton campaign. The VPB says  “he’s unconcerned about even the appearance of a conflict of interest as he investigates Wilton’s claims,” and added that Salmon knows of his support for Wilton.

*Before you read on, take a moment to savor that phrase. “Outgoing Auditor Tom Salmon.” Mmmm. I like the way it rolls off the tongue: “Outgoing Auditor Tom Salmon.” Yes. Me likey.

Even if you give Juhasz the benefit of the doubt, it’s difficult to see how this doesn’t, at the very least, create the appearance of a conflict of interest.

After the jump: A surprising Thumbs Up, our first-ever Thumbs Sideways, and an utterly predictable Poke in the Eye.

The Vermont Sierra Club, for trying to have it both ways on its Attorney General endorsement.  The Sierra Club endorsed all the Democratic candidates for statewide office, but in the AG’s race, the Club endorsed both Democrat Bill Sorrell and Progressive Ed Stanak.

Profiles in courage.

At least they managed to exclude “Six Teats” from their list. But after careful consideration, I can’t decide whether they deserve a “Thumbs Up” for inclusiveness or a “Thumbs Down” for indecision, so I give them a rare and coveted Thumbs Sideways.

Our first!

Capital City nitpicking. Pardon my injecting a local issue into a state politics blog, but one thing that drives me nuts about living in Montpelier is its overweening self-regard and its focus on minutiae at the expense of the big picture. Last week’s case in point: the brouhaha over a proposal to mount signage on City Hall. The only sign on City Hall is actually for Lost Nation Theater, which occupies the third floor. This is confusing to visitors and new residents; it certainly confused me when I moved into town. The proposed lettering is well-conceived and reasonable; it would not significantly alter the building’s stature or character.

A number of ridiculous things have been said by opponents, but the most ridiculous came from architect and Design Review Board member Jay Smith, who equated City Hall with the Statehouse. Sorry, Jay; City Hall is a nice building, but the Statehouse is in a class all by itself. It doesn’t need a sign. City Hall does.

The Vermont Chamber of Commerce, for creating a new health-care plan for small businesses. I don’t know enough about Chamber Preferred to endorse it, but I salute the VCoC for trying to provide solutions instead of simply attacking liberal efforts at health care reform.

The national Chamber, under the leadership of Thomas Donohue, has become an attack dog for business interests and the far right; the Vermont Chamber seems to be sticking to its roots, as a positive voice for business in our political life.

Misuse of the BIll of Rights. Two instances. First, Virginia pastor Kenneth Miller is seeking to quash a subpoena requiring him to testify in a grand jury probe of the LIsa Miller/Janet Jenkins custody case. Henneth Miller had earlier agreed to testify, but now his attorney claims that his client’s right against self-incrimination would be violated. Small problem: Prosecutors have offered Rev. Miller immunity for anything he says to the grand jury.

And second, attorney Mitchell Pearl‘s contention that Vermont’s vaccine exemption form is a violation of the First Amendment. Anti-vaccine parents won their fight in the Legislature last year, beating back an effort to end or limit the philosophical exemption to child vaccination. Now, they oppose the wording of the Health Department’s opt-out form. The claim is that the form amounts to coerced speech. To which I reply, Oh, get over yourselves. Sign the form. It goes in a file. Nobody ever sees it again. Your overweening tetchiness does your cause no favors.

Governors Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Chris Christie of New Jersey, nominated to be the next two heads of the Republican Governors Association. (Jindal in 2013, Christie in 2014.) It’s widely believed that their Democratic counterpart will be our very own Peter Shumlin.

I do hope Jindal and Christie can bear up under the imminent criticism from VTGOP Chair “Angry Jack” Lindley that their RGA service will turn them into part-time governors. After all, Angry Jack made a big deal about Shumlin possibly heading the DGA. And fair’s fair. Right, Jack?

Political opportunism, Republican-style. Last week, US Senate hopeful… er, what’s the opposite of “hopeful?” … US Senate hopeless John MacGovern held a big news conference to announce his opposition to the basing of F-35s at the Burlington airport. Yeah, a conservative Republican tries to run left of Bernie Sanders. That’ll work.

Just like Randy Brock and Phil Scott coming out for a wind-power moratorium. They might possibly get a few anti-wind single-issue voters (and split Annette Smith’s vote! Shame!), but it’s hard to imagine that the vast majority of environmentally-minded voters will suddenly see the Republicans as the new Green Party.  

The reclusive Lenore Broughton, who apparently thinks a camera can steal her soul. How else to explain her panicked retreat when confronted with a polite cameraman from Seven Days at a meeting of the Burlington Telecom Cable Advisory Council? As far as can be ascertained, there is not a single photo of Broughton anywhere in the public domain. (Although her son is a photographer who specializes in portraits. Hmm… wonder if he’s ever done dear old Mom?)

I realize she’s not an actual candidate for office. But she has injected herself and her bankroll into Vermont’s political system to an unprecedented degree. That qualifies her for some public scrutiny. Heck, there might even be a bunch of less considerate photographers in the audience at the next Cable Advisory Council meeting.

And since, for the time being, we can’t bring you a photo of Broughton, we present for your edification and entertainment this image of that great Golden Age actress, Margaret Hamilton.  

Okay, so yesterday I posted some ideas for new, improved webvertisements for Vermonters First. Because their current offerings just aren’t excessive enough.

Well, I had so much fun fooling around on Photobucket that I decided to make up a few for OUR side. All on science-ficiton themes, in tribute to Our Founder. So, without further ado…

Charlton Heston I: Oppressed Republicans in Chains:

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More after the jump! Charlton Heston II, Lex Luthor, and Our Rightful Overlord.

Charlton Heston II: The Republicans’ secret plan exposed!

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And now, a public service message from Roger Ail — I mean, Karl Rov — no, wait, it’s Emperor Palpatine. I always get those guys confused. He’s got a message for working-class Rush Limbaugh listeners.

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Finally, a powerful message from a true alternative candidate.

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Thanks for indulging me. Back to Vermont political commentary next time!