12 SIGNS YOUR MALE STATE SENATOR OR STATE REP MAY BE A SEX PERVERT*

#1–He’s a Republican.

#2–He shows all the ladies at the Statehouse how neatly clipped and smooth his middle fingernails are.

#3–He used to hang out years ago with Peter Shumlin at the Langdon Street Cafe; now he hangs out with all the guys from West Virginia who come up to Charlie Os to tell Vermont women how pro-choice they are (“…Darlin’, and I clipped my fingernails.”)

#4–He’s a guest speaker at every Middle School in his area.

#5–When’s there’s a forum in Room 11 at the Statehouse and a well-dressed female comes forward to sit in front of his committee and speak, he keeps dropping his pen on the floor.

#6–He owns a sheep farm.

#7–His re-election bumper sticker reads: YOUR VOTE WILL GET ME ERECTED!

#8–He takes all his vacations in Thailand.

#9–He frequently complains at Co-ops that the organic kale has pubic hair in it (and sometimes he’s right).

#10–He says: “Hey! Hey! Hey!” a lot.

#11–When you call him at the Statehouse about legislation, you get connected to a 900 number.

#12–One of his aides sells Girl Scout cookies.

(I think I’m going to do a PolitenessMan on ole Norm.)

*Pervert–The correct spelling and pronunciation is Pre-vert, as proclaimed by Colonel Bat Guano (Keenan Wynn) in DR. STRANGELOVE, 1964.)

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier (Sensitiveville) Vt.

(Over 1 Million Condoms Sold)