I don’t feel pity for Darcie “Hack” Johnston, health care reform denialist, conservative flack-for-hire, and former First Mate on Randy Brock’s Titanicampaign. She is too well paid for pity. But there is an air of existential sadness about her continual struggle to push a big heavy rock up a very steep hill. Her pet causes are terminally unpopular, and all her efforts are having precisely zero effect.

So she has to take her victories where she can find them. Example: last week she jumped on board the Darrell Issa bandwagon, and called for a special legislative session to dismantle Vermont’s health care exchange.

Now, in terms of her stated goal, her missive had all the effect of a BB bouncing off Superman’s chest. But it got her a little publicity!

That’s a win, isn’t it?

Well, it is, in the small, ineffectual, hidebound world of the Hack.

Look: an article in the Freeploid! And better still, look here: she was listed as a “Winner” in Seven Days’ weekly “Winners and Losers” column!

Yay!

After the jump: Alone again, naturally.

Of course, the Shumlin Administration confidently asserts that the Issa complaint is baseless. House Speaker Shap Smith called the Hack’s allegation “pure politics,” and said a special session “is very unlikely.” Consulting my Shap/English Dictionary, I translate that as “when monkeys fly out of my butt.”

And even House Minority Leader Don Turner isn’t interested in a special session because (a) he knows he lacks the votes to affect a reopened debate on health care, and (b) he wants to look ahead to implementation of the exchange, telling the Freeploid “I just want to make sure Vermonters have affordable insurance come January.”

Of course, being an actual officeholder, he has less time for rhetorical flourishes than does the Hack; meaningless gestures are her stock-in-trade.  

So yeah, if you measure victory in terms of column inches, I guess Seven Days is right to call Johnston a “winner.” But in terms of influencing the actual course of health care reform, the Hack remains what she has always been: a tried-and-true loser.

A well-remunerated loser, certainly; but a loser nonetheless.