Who says I’m not doing my job?

I’m working on crime every day.

Murders, missing people and the drug mobs?

I’m going to solve it all this way:

The people who abuse the elderly,

the disabled, the immigrant workers and the gays;

these are people who drink too much Pepsi;

all that sugar is CRIMINAL I say.

Missing women and couples and children?

And unsolved murders and taser deaths?

It’s all related to sugary drinks.

Serial killers drink Pepsi I bet.

I’m your fighting Attorney General.

My staff has been working for years*

on the relation of major crime to soft drinks;

it’s all that sugar that does it I fear.

Now, I’ll ask my opponent, TJ Donovan:

“Are you soft on all those soft drinks?

Cause you’re on a kick now about marihuana,

And Pot leads to soft drinks, the hard stuff, I think.”

And so it is not the place of my office

to advocate for decriminalizing Pot;

cause people get stoned and drink and eat sweets,

and then kill and abuse the elderly and children a lot.

I’m your fighting Attorney General.

I busted the tobacco cartels.

And I’m going back after Vermont Yankee,

And if I loose again, well…what the Hell.

Cause I’ll be making it safe for Vermonters

who don’t want sugar to take over the streets;

and murderers and drug gangs from Mass better beware,

we’ll taser you criminals on sweets.

Peter Buknatski

(SORRELL MUST GO!)

Montpelier, Vt.

*Sorrell’s office confirmed that these records exist but, because they are public records that may aid criminal elements in their knowledge of how close the Vermont Attorney General’s office is to issuing warrants and making arrests in its WAR ON SWEETS, these records are NOT for public or media access.  “Get over this access to public records shit,”  Sorrell’s spokesperson told me.  “What?  Are you high on Coke?  A Cola?”