Poor Mitt. Poor, poor, poor Mitt. He dragged himself all over the Deep South, pretended to like NASCAR and (American) football. He said “Y’all,” choked down some Cheesy Grits, and imperiled his Ferragamos by stomping a cockroach. He said all the ridiculous things his overpaid gaggle of advisers told him to say.

And this is the thanks he gets? Those yokels stick a Whoopie cushion in his club chair?

Do they not know their place?

Do they not realize how fortunate they are that this giant of a man, this financial Colossus, would deign to descend from on high and accept the mantle of Their Leader?

Apparently not.

After the jump: Abrams Tank v. Clown Car. Guess who wins?

Remember me? I’m the guy who wrote, back on January 10, that it was in the bag, it was all over, Mitt was gonna win the nomination. And while he remains the favorite, despite his third-place showings in West and East Yayhoo, it’s looking more and more like the prize won’t be worth winning. And it certainly won’t be worth the price he’s paid — in his own wealth, his dignity and self-respect*, and in the quiet snickering he’ll hear at the country club.

*Yes, I think he’s got those things. He’s just put them in a blind trust for the duration of the campaign.

Well, I’m here to explain why Mitt hasn’t sewn up the nomination. And might actually lose it. In which case, they won’t be snickering down at the club, they’ll be laughing out loud. And come September he’ll open the safe deposit box where he stashed away his dignity, self-respect, and soul, and discover that it’s empty.

I still think I was right on January 10:

The primary race is about to kick into ridiculously high gear. …Which means that Mitt’s big advantages — in money and organization — are about to become decisive.

None of his challengers can come close to equaling Mitt’s machine. They’re each just hoping to slow down the Mittmentum enough to give voters another chance to change their minds. Won’t happen.

I was right, that is, under any reasonable permutation of the process. What I didn’t see was exactly how bad, how awful, how execrable, a candidate Mitt Romney would prove to be. He combines the physical grace of Al Gore, the easy bonhomie of John Kerry, the natural charm of Bob Dole, and the forthright honesty of Richard M. Nixon. His overwhelming political advantages have gone pfffft in a cloud of Thurston Howell gaffes, transparent posturing, and doomed attempts to connect with Real People that stink of blatant condescension.

“You might be shaking the president’s hand,” Mr. Romney told a man in Mobile…

On the other hand, you might be shaking the hand of the biggest schmuck in These United States.

Let’s look at Mitt’s Road to the White House. Or to political ignominy, whichever comes first. He’s been running for President since at least 2006, in spite of his ludicrous denials. He used his own millions to buy a seat in the center of the 2008 race. And while he lost to John McCain, he did cement himself as the Guy Whose Turn It Would Be in 2012.

He continued to spend and fundraise, building a campaign infrastructure that nobody else could match. He used his contacts in the world of the One Percent to build himself a war chest that didn’t rely on his own money. He sailed into 2011 as the clear front-runner.

Then everything broke his way. The two guys who might have contended for the title of “conservative enough to win the nomination but plausibly moderate enough to appeal to the center,” Jon Huntsman and Tim Pawlenty, never got out of the starting gate. Others with potential appeal, like Chris Christie and Mitch Daniels — there’s a sad commentary on the state of the Grand Old Party, that those mooks qualified as Great White Hopes — stayed out of the fray. Which left Mitt (and his Abrams tank of a campaign) to simply fend off a rotating Clown Car o’ Candidates unworthy of the seediest downmarket sideshow.

Really. Did ever a major-party candidate face such a pathetic field of contenders? Look at the Democrats in 2008, by contrast: not only did you have Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, but also Joe Biden and Chris Dodd and Bill Richardson. Any of them would have been far more qualified for the presidency than anyone in the GOP Clown Car. Dennis Kucinich was no more ridiculous than Ron Paul, John Edwards no more narcissistic than Newt Gingrich, and Mike Gravel much smarter than Rick Perry.

And Mitt can’t put these guys away. It’s like an all-star baseball team playing the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and having the series go seven games.

William of Ockham would have something to say about this. And it wouldn’t be flattering to Willard “Mitt” Romney.