“Where am I?”
“You’re in The Village.”
“Who’s side are you on, and how did I get here?”
“That would be telling.”
“What do you want?
“We want Information. In-For-Ma-Tion. IN-FOR-MA-TION!”
“You won’t get any from me.”
“By hook or by crook, we will.”
“Who are you?”
“The new Number 2.”
“Who is Number 1?”
“You are Number 6.”
“I am not a NUMBER! I am a FREE MAN!!”
Number 2: “Ha-ha-Ha! Number 6, you’re killing me. Haven’t you ever heard of Gitmo? The Patriot Laws? The War On Terror? That America is a battlefield in that War, and you are just another Prisoner? Have you heard of Drones? Tasers?–Here, in The Village, we prefer to use ROVER. Have you been reading the papers, latety, Number 6? Watching FOX News? A Free Man? That’s rich. I’ll have to pass that on to Number 1. Now, down to business, for it is business along with information, that runs the engine of the planet. So tell me, Number 6, why did you write that Letter To The Editor, and refuse to use your Happy Meal Card at McDonald’s? And why did you RESIGN from Citizens For A New America?”
Number 6: “You can go to Hell!”
Number 2: “Ah, Number 6, you’re a real hoot. Look around you. Talk to the people here. Read our paper. Others before you have been, let us say, UN-MUTUAL. But they have found peace here, as will you, once you come to see that resistance is futile. In the meantime, take a stroll around. And don’t do anything UN-MUTUAL. There are cameras everywhere. In the trees, in the sky, in your bathroom, in your ice cubes. Ha-Ha-HA! A Free Man??? I love it!”
Number 6 is led away.
Number 2 to aide: “Free Man. Humph. Dumber than a box of rocks! But he’ll make a great Number 1 in 2017. You know, Number 18, I think our current Number 1 can use this Freedom message. Why, we can make it bigger than Hope and Change. Yes. Excellent plan.”
Number 18: “Well, as for freedom and all that, sir, I must report that Number 99 has been stirring up the older residents again. She’s in the clinic now under guard.”
Number 2: “Hmmm. I had such hopes for her. Especially after Michele tanked-out. Ah well, nothing left for her now but Degree Absolute. Get the chambers ready, Number 18.”
Number 18: “Yes sir. Will you require any assistance besides your manservant? Number 99 has quite a violent streak.”
Number 2: “Humph. She’s only a woman. Have you ever known anyone to have not been broken by Degree Absolute? Perhaps I’ll start out with this Free Man/Free Woman baloney. Ha-ha-HA! Yes, I love a good Degree Absolute on a morning’s rainy day. Ha-ha! Harh!!”
(And that, kiddies, is how Number 99 went to the White House in 2017. And how she saved the United States from Degree Absolute. Have a nice day.)
Peter Buknatski
Montpelier, Vt.