Thanksgiving is a strange holiday for me.  I’m not a fan of its origins and find it problematic in a lot of ways, just due to its political history and whitewashing of American history.

But… I have to still admit to liking the holiday itself.  When I lived in Rhode Island, VJ day was a state holiday which was similarly problematic– it was a holiday that everyone loved, but not a lot of people cared for the fact that it reflected anti Japanese sentiment.  So eventually we just changed it to “victory” day in one of those compromises that doesn’t solve much of anything, but reduces the amount of overall argument and still leaves people with a holiday in August.

I’ve learned to treat Thanksgiving pretty much the same way.  Yes its origins are odious, but it’s a really good time of year to just take a weekend, relax and self-assess.  

It’s been a long month.  I wrote about it earlier, so I’ll just provide a quick summary: any month in which they open up your chest to remove an aggressive tumor that is having dramatic and negative effects on your overall health, is guaranteed to be a long month.

What I’m thankful for?  Full removal of tumor with limited issues related to the surgery.  No cancer.  These are great things.  Of equal greatness is the fact that I have access to Catamount, which is truly wonderful insurance.  I’ve been in the hospital 25 days out of the last two months.  I was looking over my (as of yet incomplete) insurance billing.  Since I started Catamount at the beginning of September, I have been billed for $168,931.26 in medical care.  

How much do I have to pay of that?  Just about a grand.

I consider myself one of the lucky people, despite everything I’ve been through.  Some people end up bankrupt after procedures like this.  What I’ve experienced is short term and temporary.  If all goes well, I won’t need any further treatment beyond medicine and that’s it.  

Vermont’s universal access to health care (if you can afford it, which I know is a big if) and access to same sex marriage are the real cornerstone of my gratitude here. Between the health care, and having a sweetie who is incredibly patient and has the legal right to advocate for me and my care when I’m incapacitated?  This is crucial.  

So, Vermont?  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  You are the most awesomest state ever.  

I’ll close with something I posted in my Social Psychology course the other day, something I think might be of value to all sorts of folks:

Competition is an interesting thing. I grew up with the understanding that it was extremely important to “win” and that winning is how you learn and improve.

As an adult, I actually realized that this is wrong, in a lot of ways. It’s good to compete and good to succeed but the vast majority of my lessons come from losing and learning from the experience. I enjoy playing competitive games with people a lot, but I started enjoying them a lot more when I stopped trying to win all the time and instead focused on learning. I.e., if there’s a game where you’re using a strategy that often works but sometimes falls flat, give yourself the opportunity to try new strategies, to learn from them and eventually find better ones. Let yourself lose in order to see what works better than what you were doing. Grow. Expand.

This fits with personal conflicts as well. I used to get very agitated about “losing” arguments. I would often feel humiliated and defeated after. Then I figured out that this was mainly because I felt I had something to lose. Now, as an adult, and someone who’s actually achieved quite a few fairly awesome things in my life, I don’t feel the need to “win” as much as I do the need to be happy. So I argue with people, and discuss, and put out different and new points of view, but I don’t insist upon winning or having it acknowledged that I’ve won. I’ve learned that it’s a lot better to have two people who feel listened to and respected without a “winner” than one who feels as though they’ve lost.

How is everyone else doing this fine Holiday weekend?