5 thoughts on “Which one of these stories is from The Onion?”
Tell us Jack!!!!
This just in…”Bachmann To Propose Congressional ‘Wrath Of God’ Act…30 centuries ago
Congresswoman and Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced that she will soon present a bill to Congress that will, as she stated: “Keep the federal government from interfering with and attempting to negate all of God’s messages to Americans sent via means of God’s control of nature and natural causes.”
As Bachmann explained it, her bill would ban all federal aid to victims of natural disasters, including hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, nuclear reactor events related to natural causes, and diseases spread by birds and fish falling from the heavens.
“It’s time we looked at how the federal government has made acts of God secularized through a socialized agenda,” Bachmann said. “After all, what would have happened if a government agency came to Noah way back when and offered him emergency aid to build his Ark? We wouldn’t be here today, because that government agency would have loaded up Noah’s Ark with degenerates and gay people. And that’s exactly what our federal government is doing today–turning the Wrath of God into some kind of free ride for those in our society who the government fears would get God’s message eventually and come forward to create the Christian State that God meant this great nation of ours to be, before the abortionists were given the power to rip God’s spirit from our loins and create all these programs interfering with God’s appeals to us through divine acts such as the massive death tolls and pain and suffering He inflicts on us for our own good. God loves us. He shows His love for us by death and destruction through nature. To show us He’s paying attention to us and that He cares. It’s like the old adage of Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child. The federal government should not be allowed to undermine God’s discipline. If allowed to continue, this intervention by the federal government will soon reach into our homes and give emergency aid to our children to help them defy their parents by taking drugs and having sex instead of cleaning up their rooms and setting the tables. I promise all Americans, I will work to……..”
We interrupt this story for an important message from God:
GOD–“Listen folks, don’t listen to this asshole. She’s obviously a whore of Satan. I’m a nice fellow. And I don’t make the weather. That comes from all that science stuff, which I was never good at. And ya know something, I’m sort of a Socialist myself. Keep that in mind in 2012.”
You had some good guesses, but no correct answers.
The credited response is that the first one is from The Onion.
The story about Republicans wanting to get rid of our hurricane tracking and predicting functionality was the honest truth.
Tell us Jack!!!!
This just in…”Bachmann To Propose Congressional ‘Wrath Of God’ Act…30 centuries ago
Congresswoman and Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced that she will soon present a bill to Congress that will, as she stated: “Keep the federal government from interfering with and attempting to negate all of God’s messages to Americans sent via means of God’s control of nature and natural causes.”
As Bachmann explained it, her bill would ban all federal aid to victims of natural disasters, including hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, nuclear reactor events related to natural causes, and diseases spread by birds and fish falling from the heavens.
“It’s time we looked at how the federal government has made acts of God secularized through a socialized agenda,” Bachmann said. “After all, what would have happened if a government agency came to Noah way back when and offered him emergency aid to build his Ark? We wouldn’t be here today, because that government agency would have loaded up Noah’s Ark with degenerates and gay people. And that’s exactly what our federal government is doing today–turning the Wrath of God into some kind of free ride for those in our society who the government fears would get God’s message eventually and come forward to create the Christian State that God meant this great nation of ours to be, before the abortionists were given the power to rip God’s spirit from our loins and create all these programs interfering with God’s appeals to us through divine acts such as the massive death tolls and pain and suffering He inflicts on us for our own good. God loves us. He shows His love for us by death and destruction through nature. To show us He’s paying attention to us and that He cares. It’s like the old adage of Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child. The federal government should not be allowed to undermine God’s discipline. If allowed to continue, this intervention by the federal government will soon reach into our homes and give emergency aid to our children to help them defy their parents by taking drugs and having sex instead of cleaning up their rooms and setting the tables. I promise all Americans, I will work to……..”
We interrupt this story for an important message from God:
GOD–“Listen folks, don’t listen to this asshole. She’s obviously a whore of Satan. I’m a nice fellow. And I don’t make the weather. That comes from all that science stuff, which I was never good at. And ya know something, I’m sort of a Socialist myself. Keep that in mind in 2012.”
You had some good guesses, but no correct answers.
The credited response is that the first one is from The Onion.
The story about Republicans wanting to get rid of our hurricane tracking and predicting functionality was the honest truth.