The U.S. military brass stepped up to the microphones yesterday to bitch-slap WikiLeaks for its now infamous release of 90,000+ top-secret documents involving the missteps, misdeeds and ill-begotten notions that have fueled the tragic-comedy known as Operation Fuck Shit Up in the Name of Revenge in Afghanistan. Okay, that’s not really the title. But it should be.

First up was Robert Gates, the Bush-league hold-over as the head of the Defense Department (oh baby, feel the “change”), proving once again that there really is no difference in the two parties when it comes to wars, economic hegemony and a near-complete inattention toward anything or anyone that does come bearing boatloads of cash and/or connections.  

Here’s what Gates had to say:

“The battlefield consequences of the release of these documents are potentially severe and dangerous for our troops, our allies and Afghan partners, and may well damage our relationships and reputation in that key part of the world. Intelligence sources and methods, as well as military tactics, techniques and procedures, will become known to our adversaries.”

That’s what those of us outside of the mainstream ninniness would call: A whole hunk of bullshit. But let’s take it piece by stinking piece.

First, let’s consider Gates’ concern for things that are “dangerous for our troops.” With all due respect Mr. Republican/Democrat Gates, it is the decision to have the troops in Afghanistan that is making things “dangerous” for them. Otherwise, they’d all be stateside helping us with hurricanes, oil spills and otherwise just shining unused missiles and changing the oil on unnecessary planes, tanks and the like.

Sorry, WikiLeaks didn’t stoke the war flames, whip the country into a flag-waving and magnet-bearing bunch of slobbering revenge seekers, or manipulate intelligence (sic) data to make it all seem like “getting the bastards” would be quick and easy. Yes, indeed, some of us do remember Gates’ first boss, Bush, making the war on Afghanistan and the search and capture of Bin Laden seem like a quick and clean episode of Gunsmoke (“Dead or alive,” baby).

Besides, if keeping the troops out of conditions that are “severe and dangerous,” there’s an obvious solution: Bring them home now. In fact, that’ll even amount to one of those win-win scenarios the politicos like to talk about because it’ll also make the new villain in town, WikiLeaks, obsolete with regards to Afghanistan because…well.. we won’t be there. Na-na-na-na-na.

Gates then attempts to blame WikiLeaks for potentially damaging “our relationships and reputation in that key part of the world.”

It’s okay if you’re finding your head cocked sideways like a confused dog after reading that. Because that means you’ve still got your thinking cap on. Congratulations. But, on the other hand, if you find yourself nodding in agreement like the two-party leaders who contrive this kind of nonsense, well, there is no hope for you. So, write “stupid” on your forehead so we can recognize you in public, do not reproduce, and stay away from sharp objects (you know, like anyone over three-years of age and all).

Earth to Gates (but I know you already know this): The problem with our country’s reputation in “that key part of the world” is because we’ve been fucking carpet bombing it in our effort to “bring the wars to them,” killing hundreds of thousands of its citizens, destroying its infrastructure and environment with little more than a Jethro-like “oops” in response, and – oh yeah — supporting an equally-wrong-headed regime in Israel.

Yeah, that’s it. Or, in other words: It’s NOT WikiLeaks, you dope.

Next up came Admiral Mike Mullen, who was apparently there to provide all the same kinds of nonsense but with a military uniform on while he said. Oh, that’ll show ’em. Yes, sir, we are stupid and your medals are lovely. Whatever. Drop down and give me 15 years of schooling and don’t come back until you’re not a fucking moron, Admiral Mike.

But here’s what Mullen had to say:

“Mr. Assange [the WikiLeaks’ leader] can say whatever he likes about the greater good he thinks he and his source are doing, but the truth is they might already have on their hands the blood of some young soldier or that of an Afghan family.”

If I was a glass half full kind of a guy, I’d be thrilled to hear a military man like Mullen actually express concern about someone having blood on their hands. But, then again, if I’m a person with a pulse and a mere modicum of knowledge about…um… reality, I’d know that if the subject was “blood on their hands,” I wouldn’t be highlighting it if I was a leader of a military regime that is seemingly hell-bent on being the king-pin of blood letting.

Again, there have been hundreds of thousands of people killed – most being innocent civilians — as a result of the U.S. governments ill-fated, illegal and simply wrong-headed decision to wage wars in both Afghanistan and Iraq BEFORE WikiLeaks said a peep about any of it. So, if I were you, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullens, I’d probably want to shut the fuck up when it comes to the whole “blood on their hands” stuff.

Besides, blaming WikiLeaks for the mess of Afghanistan is like blaming Woodward and Bernstein for Watergate. It’s just stupid.

But, sadly, there will be many who will play along with the numb-headed tunes of the two-party war machine. They’ll be waving their flags, praising the troops, cheering their “team,” ignoring the facts, and proving, once again, that ignorance is, indeed, bliss.

Thank you, WikiLeaks, for providing the lifeblood of democracy: Information. There can never be enough.